Whenever the night sky is clear, with out fail, his star is there.

Over a year ago I began saying, "Starlight, star bright, may I have this wish tonight?" Over the course of time, that wish became a prayer. And whenever "his" star was there, I wished for his well being. I wished for his health, I wished for any healing he may have needed in his life. On some nights I prayed with all my heart that he would be able to understand me and allow me back into his life.

A year or more later, for one night, he let me back in. Was it worth it? Yes. Had my prayers been answered... definitely. Did I still have hope for us? Hope for a friendship, yes.

That evening he slept with his arms around me. Our lips never touched, but the comfort of his arms reassured me. Reassured me of what? That the break was worth it? That a year and a half had passed that could have been worthwhile? Neither really. Our break was made in response to my behavior that related to my depression. When he made the break, I said, "but you don't stay friends with the girls you date." He told me, this is different, "you make me want to be a better person." Hearing these words are not exactly the same as hearing Jack Nicholson make them to Helen Hunt in "As Good As it Gets." My immediate thought was, "if this is how you feel, why don't you want to be with me?"

I saw him in the last few weeks and I believe that those words were a mere attempt to just make me happy. In the past few weeks, when I see his star, I make a quick prayer. I want him to be healthy, I want him to be the better person that he thinks he needs to be. I don't know if I should continue to ask, but I feel like I've made a commitment to him regardless if he wants me in his life or not. I cannot help but care about the people who come into my life, I certainly cannot help but care about the people who have come especially close to my heart.

This man is a good man. I will continue to pray for him regardless if he wants it or not. Life is full of hope, and I pray for the hope that his life will be a good one. I love him in a way that I cannot describe, not in the way that I feel like I need to spend the rest of my life with him, but more like in the way that I will always hold him close to my heart. A good person deserves a good life. He may have said that I made him want to be a better person. What I don't think he realizes is that he is.