"...And he knows that it's me, they've been comin' to see, to forget about life for awhile..."
Unlike the people in the song, I don't go to the bar, I don't get drunk...I leave town. This time I decided to go to Davenport, IA to see Agent "J." I have no expectations from my Special Agent Man, I just go for the pure pleasure of being in a different town where I don't know anybody, but this one soul. A little background for the somewhat juicy details I promised. I obviously know nobody in Davenport or all of Iowa for that matter, but one summer a friend of mine from D.C. was working on a political campaign before the Iowa Caucus and he invited me to come visit. So, being that I LOVE being stuck in my car for six hours, I went. The weekend started out kind of hellish and by Saturday I was ready to leave, but I hadn't seen my friend in a while so I stuck around. He said that he actually had plans for that evening with a group of people. So, the campaign manager was all about this guy, "Agent "J," and she showed up to a baseball game wearing high heels and a shirt that showed off her pushed up boobs. After about my third beer of the evening, I said to myself, "I can get this guy before she can." It sounds malicious and devious, but I was pretty confident that you don't have to show off your boobs to get a guy." I hadn't even brushed my hair that evening. And what do you know? Agent "J" and I made plans for less than a month later to meet in Des Moines. Let's just say it was purely experimental and a chance to lose some of our inhibitions. I don't kiss and tell, but I had to make him stop at one point.
And this past weekend, after about a year and a half of not seeing him, I decided to make the trip again. I needed to get away. Like I said, I don't have any expectations from Agent "J," so it was just a weekend to explore again and to lose myself in a moment. Most of the time I spent in Davenport was alone, but I didn't care. I do what I do best, I walked around and went shopping and tried coffee from local coffee shops. When we were together, we didn't talk much, but what was said was pretty profound. So, instead of just taking away with me the memory of a pleasurable weekend, I learned something insightful from Agent "J."
There were two notable conversations exchanged this weekend:
1. Women tend to base their identity on their careers, whereas men just use their jobs as an ends to make money to live their lives.
2. I don't worry about the future, life tends to work itself out the way its supposed to.
Hmm...much to think about.
My thoughts on #1. I don't think that only women do this, but I do know that I do it for sure. One of my most common statements at work is..."I didn't go to college to sell Lotto tickets." You know, I enjoy working at Hy-Vee, it's just the lottery tickets and the Rug Doctors that get me. I feel super powerful when I'm sending money via Western Union to Jordan, or Iran, or China. When I'm printing pictures, I feel like I'm playing a role in peoples lives. I am helping preserve memories. When I restore a black & white photograph, I feel like I've seriously helped somebody. I'm a historian, I like preserving the past. Printing a picture of a Christmas gathering may not be monumental, but what if one day a little kid in a picture becomes President of the United States? I may never know that I printed a future President's picture, but when a biographer is looking for pictures, I was in the midst of that process of bringing it to fruition. In that aspect, I do believe that my job defines me as a person. I'm never embarrassed to say that I am the Manager of a One Hour Photo or that I work for Hy-Vee. I spend a little over forty hours a week doing this job so it is a part of my life and it does help define me.
I know that men do this as well. My Papi would probably define himself as a Marketing Director and Business Owner because that's what he does. Agent J's argument was that men will work jobs because it pays the bills and it supports a family. I think simple men think that way, but my Papi and other men like him are not simple like that. Yes, they may well acknowledge that their career affords them food, a home, clothing, safety, but at the same time, these men are always striving for a little more. I do think maybe men are a little more practical in their approach. Women will go back to school to attain higher status, whereas a man will work diligently and acquire hands-on experience to attain the same. Agent J owns his own business and his own home, but if he wasn't being defined by it, why would he be working so hard to make his life better and more prosperous? What a predicament. Maybe he just doesn't want to put a label on himself, but isn't that what we naturally do in society?
My thoughts on #2. I know that I personally spend probably far too much time thinking about what the future holds for me. Am I going to find a job that will make me more money? Am I gonna meet a guy who's going to make the ultimate commitment to me? Am I going to have kids? It has happened on occasion that when I get into a relationship, my focus becomes, "what's going to happen, what's going to happen? Am I doing everything right to keep this going?" Unfortunately, spending all your time focusing on the "what's next," rather than the "right now" makes life a little too serious and can strain and break the possibility of good things. So many of us spend way too much time trying to make things work for the future that we forget to spend our time enjoying the RIGHT NOW. And I also think that women do it more than men because, well, we have biological clocks that tick. We won't always be able to keep producing "life giving" substance (aka eggs for the not so bright out there). So if we women could just enjoy the time we are having, maybe we wouldn't have to think about the future like that. Things should progress naturally, forcing it just delays it.
This discussion came about when Agent J was telling me about his ex-fiance and how she had become a part of his life again. He said there is some kind of tension between them because of what went down a few years earlier. I asked him what he thought would happen and he said he didn't know. I asked him what he wanted to happen and he said he didn't know and he didn't worry about it because "life has a way of working itself out the way it's supposed to." I think the general gist of this statement is that only time will tell. I guess there is no reason to try to force things to fix themselves. If they are meant to be fixed, then only life and the time that goes into it will be able to fix it. "Tii-iii-me, is on my side, yes it is!" The Rolling Stones.
But what about the notion of hope? I guess if you are full of hope for your life and that things will resolve themselves, then time will allow it to happen. I don't think putting a deadline for when things should happen is productive, but being hopeful and believing that all things are possible is. There is hope for all of us and you must continually believe it to be true.
.png)
No comments:
Post a Comment