Unmanageability: a constant state of chaos

Whoa, 7 months since I last wrote??? Yikes, where has my brain been? Mostly on a pink cloud, taking a break from the serious. 

It confounds me why I can't seem to balance the pink cloud La La Land with my deep spiritual instincts. It's not that the instincts go away, but I tend to overshadow them by focusing on the La La. Much of it has to do with the fact that from August to December, my spiritual focus was inundated with a job that brought me no joy. La La Land was a good distraction. During December, however, I was able to strike a balance... because I wasn't working in the mundane anymore and started focusing on ministry again. 

Ministry brings me so much joy, but sometimes that joy turns into obligations... unmanageability: a constant state of chaos. 

So, back to December: striking the balance, unraveling the chaos. 

I started reading with intention again - and friends, I have found my spirituality is tied to my deep love of reading. It's in reading where my brain starts to connect with the divine, and I feel the abundance of God fill me. It enables me to write and perceive the world more effectively. Alongside the La La, it is remarkable... 

So, enough ellipses... here's where my thoughts are for those who care to continue!

I receive a daily meditation from the Enneagram Institute. The Enneagram is a personality profile index, kind of like Myers-Briggs, or even Human Design. It breaks down personalities into 9 types based on a person's beliefs, values, and motivations. My personality type is 7, in the church world we call it a Joyful personality, or in the secular world, the Enthusiast. According to the Enneagram Institute, a joyful personality is characterized by busyness, fun-seeking, spontaneity, versatility, distractibility, and scatteredness. 

If you know me personally, you know this is pretty accurate. Like most people, when I am emotionally healthy, these characteristics work to my advantage, when I am unhealthy, I am unfocused. Unmanageable and in a constant state of chaos.

There are all kinds of free tests you can take, but I recommend these two paid ones. My personality has never fluctuated when I've taken these two. Enneagram Institute or WEPPS

Our personalities can be seen as having varying levels. One day your fun-loving personality is maximized at it's highest level organizing a party with purpose, delegating where necessary, and infusing the process with organization creating an enjoyable experience for all. A week later, you're at your bottom level, trying to clean your home, but never really finishing a task before moving on to the next, and then claiming yourself as pathetic and worthless. These are extremes, there is a balance where the chaos in unraveled. 

Our personalities are linked to our egos. The ego is the part of our personality that manages our basic urges and our learned morals. The unhealthier we are the more our egos take over and start to protect us, but generally through unhealthy means, unless we are emotionally mature. 

For example: Someone with a substance abuse disorder will numb feelings of inadequacy with their substance of choice. A person who is in recovery may fall back into their character defects if they are not working a program, or working with someone outside themselves, like a therapist, or clergy person. 

If one of your character defects is say, jealousy, perhaps if you are jealous of somebody or something, you disconnect, go into your head, and ignore the situation, take out your feelings on someone or something else. That isn't a healthy way to respond. It's harmful not only to the person you're taking it out on, but also to yourself. This is the ego unhealthily at work, unchecked, unmanaged, in a state of chaos, grasping at straws.

When the ego is healthy at work, we rely less on harmful strategies. We learn to let go of the jealousy, arrogance, lying, people, whatever our main character defect is, we ask questions, and look at things from a different perspective. We consciously choose to look at things from a variety of angles. This is what is called in 12-step programs, letting go and letting God take over for us. When we let go, we become freer and more flexible. Our relationships improve. We become less critical and see the blessings God provides. 

The unmanageability of our chaotic lives dissipates. And you begin to, as Bill W. says, "trudge the Road of Happy Destiny."

Keep doing the work, friends! Grace and peace!