Unlearning the bondage of the "I"

The wisdom teachers of all traditions say mature spirituality is about letting go and unlearning. How have you experienced the transformational power of letting go and unlearning? How does Fr. Richard speak to that?

This question for me pertains to how I unlearn things, aka, how my ego unlearns. Sometimes I pause when people talk about their egos. "That strokes my ego." "That's boosts my ego." "My ego is so self-centered." "My ego is getting the best of me."

Okay, so if your ego dominates so much, why don't you let it go rather than drawing so much attention to it? Why don't you focus on something other than yourself? Perhaps most don't know that ego means "I," like literally, "I" as in me, my person, the most important entity on the planet. It's "I" because we can only see the world through our particular lens. To detach from the "I" means we have to recognize that the "I" is only one part of the sum of the whole. 

We cannot fully rid ourselves of the "I" or the ego. The art of letting go is seeing how the "I" affects the whole. So when it comes to detaching, we have to look at how much control "I" actually have. And really? "I" don't have much control over anything. But "I" to think "I" do. "I" think my words can control you, make you change your mind. The only way "I" can change another person is if that other person is willing to let go of whatever their beliefs are. And if that person changes their mind, then my "I" feels empowered and dives deeper into what it is "I" think "I" can control. You acquiesing boosts my "I."

We're in this constant state of push and pull. My ego wants what my ego wants, and your ego wants what your ego wants. Can we ever get to this place of complete detachment where we live with an intermingling of the egos. I think (again the "I") we can. That place of intermingling might be the place called peace. 

To get to that place of peace requires "dying to oneself." And how difficult is that when the "I" knows what the "I" wants. 

That's probably why addiction is so prevalent, and not just drugs and alcohol, but to people, institutions, it could be anything. We live in this society that ever increasingly perpetuates the satisfying of the "I." When we can't satisfy the "I," the only logical next step is to try to satisfy it by either the same means or something else. It then turns into a constant loop until we because powerless, controlled by something outside ourselves. 

I love the article about Meister Eckhart. He says that get to this place of peace you have to, "Start with yourself therefore and take leave of yourself." Talk about a tall order! How in the world do you do that? Through surrendering to something much greater than, and thus, outside ourselves. It means surrendering to that entity that connects us all together. Surrendering to the entity that creates our souls. That entity in which we find our being: God, the ultimate source of love and compassion. 

The third step prayer of AA is crucial in the surrendering to God. I'm getting ahead of myself, but recognizing our powerlessness is 100% the first step to surrending the "I." Unlearning behaviors then is a persistent surrendering of ourselves to the divine. The one way I know how to do that is through prayer and meditation - and I am not that disciplined. 

Who have you turned to for guidance on letting go and unlearning? What have they had to teach you?

I've been a part of the Christian community for so long that it pains me to say that I have learned to turn to my 12-step group and sponsor for this guidance. We talk a good talk in the church, but I think we struggle with actually connecting with God.

For the past five months I have been in a loop of despair. I have gotten on my knees, sat in intentional prayer at the foot of the cross, sat with Buddhists in meditation. I have pleaded with God to untether me from my depression and the obession over things I cannot control. There are times when I am at peace, when I give it all to God, but my persistent ego loves to come back with a vengence and I forget about God and devolve into a crumpled mess and shell of a human. My sponsor has had good advice, telling me that there must still something God is trying to teach me, something deeper I haven't navigated through. My friend, the lovely magician LG tells me I'm navigating spiritual growth and this is part of the magic of spiritual awakenings. 

I trust that's the case and I just keep turning it over to God, trying to let go of the perception that I need anything external, outside of God, to satiate the discomfort. I cannot believe for a moment that all of life is about suffering - and so therefore I come back over and over to God in those moments when I just don't know what to do.