encountering the holy: part II

It has been about a month since my surgery.  I have refrained from writing this portion because I wanted to make sure I wasn't under the influence of painkillers that might alter my perception of what I experienced when I woke up. I fully acknowledge that the drugs played a part in this, but sometimes we experience the supernatural, or things out of the ordinary, when we are in our most nebulous states.

Waking up from surgery was horrid. It was excruciating and a feeling I never want to experience again. I mean worse than my natural childbirth - for real.

It was 3:30 pm when I looked at the clock in the recovery room. Even through the haze, I remember the doctor clearly saying that the hysterectomy would take about 4 hours if it had to be done. Yes, a hysterectomy would mean cancer - is what he said. Turning my gaze from the clock and crying out in sorrow and pain the nurse at my side injected the opioid, fentanyl. I could have stayed in that state forever, not giving a damn about what the diagnosis would be. But after four subsequent injections, the nurse refused more, and the bliss wore off.

In the post-op room, I met my husband and spent some more time in the haziness.

Then came that moment - the moment when I knew that I didn't have cancer. My eyes shifted to the right in the darkness of closed eyes, and I saw far off an opening of a tunnel. The infamous tunnel people who have had near death experiences see. I did not walk to it, I was terrified and not ready. I certainly wanted to know what was on the other side of the light, but I was physically paralyzed, unable to move. And then as if out of nowhere, a tiny shadow of a figure began to push a stone across the opening. As the last shard of light peeked through, the stones began to fall and the tunnel collapsed.

My death, of course, will happen sometime, but not soon. Of that much I'm sure.

My prayer to grow old with my family (or at least until our daughter leaves home) has been answered. I have been given a reset and I chose to live more intentionally with a greater focus on the adventure of life.