fear in the joy

I wrote this day before my surgery, but am posting now:

November 22, 2018 

326/365: I took the Enneagram test last year and found out I'm a 7; which is a joyful personality. It's hard to be thankful or joyful today but I am even amid the flowing tears.

Tomorrow I'm going in for my first surgery ever. And it's a big one. I'm having a large cyst removed. Agh! 

Scared is the word I'm feeling. More like terrified because I'm not sure what the diagnosis will be. I'm super hopeful that it will be good news. We joyful personalities are always optimistic and look for the good.

While I'm optimistic, I'm also realistic. So my mind is racing.

I need every single prayer lifted to use positive words. Positivity attracts positivity!

Paulo Coelho said it best in The Alchemist, "when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

Before I ever read or believed anything about God, these words helped me understand that cosmic forces are a part of who we are. I know those forces are the fiber of who God is. I know that every prayer lifted, even from those who doubt or deny, will be woven into the fabric of our great healing Almighty God. And know this, I know that my Lord and Savior is with me every step of the way.

My prayer: I want more than anything to be healthy, to come home to my sweetest loves Toph & Ripley to live a long healthy life with them.

I'm being selfish to ask for specific prayers, but that's what I want. That particular prayer.

Help a girl out tonight and at 10:30 am tomorrow. I would appreciate it.

P.S. Because I don't like being kept in the dark and people are curious, I had to put this all out there.