Alright, so the title is to just get you to read my blog. I love that you can see the stats on your blog now. The other day I titled one of my entries, "Masturbation and other stuff," and my blog got more hits than it ever has. I guess most people don't want to read blogs about religion or the understanding of psychosis. It is awfully telling in that way, how even as advanced as we are as a society, people would much rather read about a girl masturbating than about a girl figuring out the intricacies of how her brain functions.
I've had a lot on my mind lately, but I keep experiencing overwhelming happiness in my life and the people in it that I get a little wrapped up in the pure pleasure of just enjoying it. I often find that I can really let loose when all sad things happen in my life, but I don't just sit back and admire the great qualities of joy.
The other day I sent an e-mail to my friend Christi and told her that I felt that God had saved my life by having me fired from Hy-Vee. I really think He saw all the effort and dedication I was putting into my work, but that was slowly making me ill. I seriously had a bottle of Tums in my drawer because of the heartburn I had every day. One of my co-workers suggested it might be because I like coffee so much. Yeah, coffee causes heartburn, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say now that it was the stress of the job. I still drink coffee and the other night was the first time I reached for some Tums, and only because I had too much fudge after church! It was so good though.
Speaking of church: working for it may not pay well and I don't have a lot of hours, but it is so rewarding. I love all the people that I work with and those who come to me for advice or for their needs. I really think my calling in this life is to serve others. I love being able to make other people's projects successful. I, of course set goals for myself, but I think one of my goals is to help others reach theirs. Maybe I should have been a teacher. Who knows? But I love my job and I love doing my photography. Things are a little slow right now, but I do believe that I am in the right area to pursue my career or my "hobby-career."
Along with work, I also have the great pleasure of assisting my grandparents. I really love helping them and I feel it is what I should do as they have played such a significant and positive role in my life. I don't know what life would be like if I would not have had my grandfather when I was a child. He is the most amazing man in the world; his capacity for loving is a bottomless abyss! Seriously, his eyes light up when he talks about his family. He cares so much for every single person that has descended from him and my grandmother. It is remarkable that at 86 years of age, he can still have so much patience for living and joy for this life. He hasn't become angry with the many obstacles and tragedies life has given him. He may be a little slower and confused, but still has a reason for living. I should really just dedicate an entire blog to him. He really is, as I mentioned before, the most amazing, not interesting, but definitely amazing man in the world. Maybe a little too practical for his own good sometimes though!!! I love him so much. Being with him and my grandmother as they grow older has given me reason to not take life for granted. I am blessed and grateful that I can be of service to them.
And for new friends. I couldn't be happier about the people I have been spending some time with lately. I had been hermitting myself away for a long while and it has been good to get out into the community and meet new people. Everyone I've met has had some of the best energy I have felt in a long while. New ideas, new thoughts, new everything. I'm grateful for this and I'm grateful that I have been willing to get myself out more. No more hiding away, I need to be with people every once in a while. Aloneness is good and I know that I can be comfortable in mine, but I need to be comfortable among my fellow humans too!
I think the word that best describes me and my state is bliss. I am blissful, enjoying life, taking pleasure in my everyday doings and finding joy in everything and everybody.
I guess that's my kind of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.
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Talking about String Theory and Planetary Physics says that you're intelligent; talking about your true vulnerabilities says that you're human. String Theory is just that, a theory, and is highly debateable until the end of time and says nothing whatsoever about who you are as a person. It just says that you're intelligent and are capable of expanding your mind.
ReplyDeleteWhere as, talking about why you cannot have an orgasm, that says more about you as a woman. In fact, it says a helluva lot more about you, past, present, and future, than trying to wrap your head around Quantum Mechanics. That entry explains, more than any other in a long long time, who and where you are in your life, and where you want to be.
You seem to read everything that is deep and complex, but the problem with not having the big O is actually very very simple. Yes, you can carry on deep conversations and understand the possibility of multiverses, but that does not tell anyone anything at all about why you seem to fall down more often than others. Your mind is contantly running, constantly analyzing, constantly debating, constantly constant at being consistently constant on concentrating on something, or someone, or your own inadequacies.
That's your problem.
For a woman to fully be immersed in sexual pleasure, she must be able to fully immerse herself in trust. That is, trust with her partner, and most importantly, trust within herself. The entire act of sex for a woman is actually a violation of her body. So wouldn't it seem fair to assume that if she did not trust herself, or her partner, that she would not fully immerse herself into actually having an orgasm?
But don't take my word for it, read over your own posts. You never seem to be fully comfortable with yourself, or your partner, at any one time. The moment you are, it will happen. And I might add, that you would also know much much more about where you stand, mentally, physically, and emotionally, than you do now.