Writing About Oneself

The other day, this guy that I recently met found my blog.  I had to forewarn him that much of what I write is about my perceptions and my reflections on things that have happened.  It's not that I dwell on things, it that I want to learn.  I saw Ashley tonight and we talked about my ex for a bit and she said she was so happy that I was finally over it.  I told her that I thought about him often and she acknowledged that it was normal because, seriously, the man is a good guy.  I think that my reaction to his ending things was maybe a little dramatic, but at the same time it was based on the things he had said to me.  He may have wanted certain things, but in truth he probably wasn't ready for all that he had hoped for. It was so sudden and disheartening, and I truthfully believe that had he been ready, it would have been as he put it, "meant to be."  But, I've come to realize that things DO indeed happen for a reason.  I would really like to fault him for not living up to his own expectations, but when one has a million different things on one's plate, one cannot focus on much else.  A son, overdue bills, creditors, the thought of a layoff.  Focusing on a girl and a future with her is not an option that is feasible, no matter how much he may have wanted it.  I should have seen it before I left for France, but I was blinded his words.  Also, I don't believe things were that terrible when we first met.  I think, a meaningless relationship is all he could have handled, and well, I don't think I exude that, I'm too good for that.  

Too bad.  

But! Things have been fantastic since I've put things into perspective.  I've been having a great time and meeting many new and interesting individuals. I've even taken up with a friend of mine who I thought I had lost.  I'm no longer on the ladder and I explained to him that I have no expectations from him, and that I never had. I told him that he didn't need to worry that I wanted something from him; I have only ever just appreciated his friendship.  

And it's weird, now that I'm not preoccupied with running into my "ex" or feeling that I need an explanation for things, I feel free to live uninterrupted.  I've accomplished so much in the last month, I've surprised myself.  I'm ready for opportunity and adventure.  I'm ready to live without fear, without apprehension.  I just want to enjoy the people in my life and those around me.  I'm ready to not take life so seriously.  I mean, you only get one shot right?