. . . Throwing stones . . .

“Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7b
  
Yesterday I sat with a panel of potential jurors while State prosecutors and defense attorneys made decisions about who could be completely fair during a murder trial. I could not have been fair, I would have found him not guilty.

Jesus told those who brought the woman caught in adultery before him, whoever is without sin, throw the first stone. None of them could do it; they had all sinned. Maybe they hadn't committed adultery, but they had sinned - we all have. I follow in their footsteps; I have sinned. I have not murdered anyone, but I have sinned. I cannot throw stones.

I found myself in a precarious position. Which law rules my heart more? That of my country and state, or that of my God?

I love my country, and I appreciate the justice system we have, but I chose the latter. Not because I don't think he didn't do it, but because I think there is a better way of addressing the brokenness in our society. As I sat and listened to people share stories about violent crime in their lives, my heart broke. I wondered how many here know they are loved by God and that our Lord has a more perfect way for each of us. I cannot throw stones.

As I sat in the courtroom, I made eye contact with this very young defendant as a way to say "I see you." I prayed for him and knew that his choice was not what God intended for his life. As the prosecuting attorney asked us if we had any religious convictions, I was the first to raise my hand. 
I told her, "I would want to figure out what in this child's life led him to fire a weapon on someone and end another's life." 

And yes, a child: twenty-year-old when the incident occurred. I cannot throw stones. 

After about five hours of questioning the jurors, the question that most caused me to pause was this, "do you think there should be a higher burden of proof because of the defendant's age." My card shot up. I could have just sat there and let others answer because she had told me that I would probably be disqualified anyway. But I had this nagging feeling of discomfort and indignation about the conflicting laws presented IN the court of law. I cannot throw stones.

In Missouri, jurors must be 21 years of age. I'm assuming the defendant was 21, but he was 20 when he committed the crime (edit, he was still 20 years old and today, 6.12.19, is his 21st birthday). What the law tells us is that if you are under the age of 21, you are not responsible enough, or equipped enough to make decisions about someone else's life. I cannot throw stones.

YET!!! Yet, in the state of Missouri, you are considered an adult at 17 years of age.

I brought this up to the lawyer. I said to her, "based on psychological development, a twenty-year-old's brain does not make decisions like a 28-year-old. We've been told today that this young man couldn't sit on a jury when this crime happened - so basically we're saying he can't discern what's right or wrong, but he could at the time."

At that point, the courtroom erupted in whispers. It was at that moment, I think everyone saw the flaw in the system. I cannot throw stones.

She went on to say something about a crime committed by a 17-year-old is the same as a crime committed by a 28-year-old. She used a car break-in as an analogy. I told her that age will always play a factor in my decision. She went on to say, but this is what the law tells us. To which I answered, "well then the laws are in conflict of each other, and I can't in good conscience make a decision on someone's life, especially when the law doesn't even consider a 20-year-old my peer."
I cannot throw stones.

At the end of our time together, I was not chosen. I was not surprised. But now I know our system is deeply flawed. There is a young man out there, along with thousands of others who have been convicted of crimes by a jury NOT made up of their peers. Furthermore, the jury wasn't even the same race as the young man. Justice is NEVER blind, and I don't believe he will get a fair trial.
We cannot throw stones.

Our justice system is not just - and it is inconsistent. Our justice system is black and white, but we all know life is spent in the gray. 

And the most inconsistent things is this: this young man can be sent to war, to fight someone else's fight. He can kill another human being at the age of 20 and be justified in doing so. It's all so complicated; it infuriatingly communicates appalling contradicting messages.

I pray for him and his family. I hope I can position myself to be a presence for young women and men who come behind him.

Why do we keep throwing stones?