A Clanging Cymbal

I had a difficult time in my ethics class today, and especially after reading today’s chapter by Emilie Townes. I so want to be a prophetic voice for my future congregation and I want to figure out how I can be an advocate for all the things that I am passionate about. I told Heather before class that I was upset that I couldn’t be a womanist theologian!!! I guess it is because of my white skin privilege that makes me want to be a part of it when really I need to allow myself to actively listen. I may not speak a lot in class, but I am an internal processor and I choose my times to engage carefully. (I’m much better at crafting a speech than debating).

You probably don’t know the full details about my departure from my previous church, but it stemmed from the fact that my Senior Pastor knew I did not agree with him about the current language in the UM Discipline in regards to the human sexuality issues. The process towards terminating my appointment started last spring when I attended a Cynthia Meyer’s forum. I was tagged in a photo and members who did not agree with him started coming to me. I won’t get into the full details because it’s not important anymore. But I find myself at a crossroads knowing now full-well that following Christ is risky business. I feel  that speaking truth is not welcome in large churches that are focused on success and numbers and growth. In those churches it’s all rainbows and unicorns…

So, now I’m on guard at all times, which I dislike… I almost feel like speaking about my passion for justice was easier when I wasn’t in ministry. Honestly, I could never have preached any version of my sermon a few weeks ago at my last church. In fact, I watched the sermon at that church the Sunday after the election and the only thing that was said was how relieved the pastor was that it was over! I could not believe it especially after having just heard Adam Hamilton preach about the responsibility Trump voters had to those who felt like so much had been lost.  He asked them to think about how they were going to prove that they actually believe in unity when they voted for a person who used rhetoric that was so divisive. I think he proved (to me at least!) that leadership is about taking risks and that it is okay to maybe lose a few people along the way. I guess technically, with 20,000 members, losing 200 is nothing! But still, I think he did the right thing by deviating from the sermon series and talking about the issue at hand. I can’t say the same about my previous senior pastor.

I started this semester with the intention of discernment and I believe your ethics class has really challenged me. I want to be a good pastor, not just one who preaches about rainbows and unicorns…. Rev. Lia McIntosh gave me insightful words a few weeks ago, speak for that which you are for, rather than against. That made me think of Paul’s words, if I speak in the language of humans or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong of clanging cymbal. Anger often turns into noisy words that know one hears. However with love, words take on true meaning and are cloaked in the creative force of God…