A Clanging Cymbal

I had a difficult time in my ethics class today, and especially after reading today’s chapter by Emilie Townes. I so want to be a prophetic voice for my future congregation and I want to figure out how I can be an advocate for all the things that I am passionate about. I told Heather before class that I was upset that I couldn’t be a womanist theologian!!! I guess it is because of my white skin privilege that makes me want to be a part of it when really I need to allow myself to actively listen. I may not speak a lot in class, but I am an internal processor and I choose my times to engage carefully. (I’m much better at crafting a speech than debating).

You probably don’t know the full details about my departure from my previous church, but it stemmed from the fact that my Senior Pastor knew I did not agree with him about the current language in the UM Discipline in regards to the human sexuality issues. The process towards terminating my appointment started last spring when I attended a Cynthia Meyer’s forum. I was tagged in a photo and members who did not agree with him started coming to me. I won’t get into the full details because it’s not important anymore. But I find myself at a crossroads knowing now full-well that following Christ is risky business. I feel  that speaking truth is not welcome in large churches that are focused on success and numbers and growth. In those churches it’s all rainbows and unicorns…

So, now I’m on guard at all times, which I dislike… I almost feel like speaking about my passion for justice was easier when I wasn’t in ministry. Honestly, I could never have preached any version of my sermon a few weeks ago at my last church. In fact, I watched the sermon at that church the Sunday after the election and the only thing that was said was how relieved the pastor was that it was over! I could not believe it especially after having just heard Adam Hamilton preach about the responsibility Trump voters had to those who felt like so much had been lost.  He asked them to think about how they were going to prove that they actually believe in unity when they voted for a person who used rhetoric that was so divisive. I think he proved (to me at least!) that leadership is about taking risks and that it is okay to maybe lose a few people along the way. I guess technically, with 20,000 members, losing 200 is nothing! But still, I think he did the right thing by deviating from the sermon series and talking about the issue at hand. I can’t say the same about my previous senior pastor.

I started this semester with the intention of discernment and I believe your ethics class has really challenged me. I want to be a good pastor, not just one who preaches about rainbows and unicorns…. Rev. Lia McIntosh gave me insightful words a few weeks ago, speak for that which you are for, rather than against. That made me think of Paul’s words, if I speak in the language of humans or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong of clanging cymbal. Anger often turns into noisy words that know one hears. However with love, words take on true meaning and are cloaked in the creative force of God…

My Daughter

This morning when I walked out the door was the first time since I was 13 years old that I was afraid for my safety simply because I am a woman. The man who regularly goes for his early morning jog terrified me because yesterday as a nation, we said to the world that we believe a woman's worth to be inconsequential. We told the world that we are a sex to be dominated. We told the world that only some are made in the image of God. We have failed the world. We have failed our God who made us all in God's image. Where were the Christian women of faith who thought this was ok.
The simple fact that you voted for a man who doesn't consider you of any sacred worth breaks my heart. You didn't need to vote for Hillary, but you could have voted for someone else. Anyone else.

Today as my daughter and I left for work and daycare, she reached out to me to bring her down the stairs. Usually she wants to do it alone, but today was different. I realized in that moment that it will be my responsibility to assure of her worth. It will be my responsibility to protect her from the savagery of dehumanization that we just approved of.

Today, one of my Korean friends sat next to me. I could feel his anxiousness and I stopped writing. He asked me as he broke into tears, "Do you want me to leave?"

Today, my ethics professor shared a story about her elementary school teacher friend. The children of the school chanted around a Muslim child as they left for the day, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP!

Now imagine children surrounding a child in a German town in 1933 at the end of a school day chanting: Jude, Jude, Jude.

Tell me America? Is this what it means to be great again? Or is this the beginning of a horrific nightmare that doesn't need to repeat itself.

I pray for our entire country. I pray that this is not the beginning of a deep darkness.

Lord, hear our prayer.