Fear & Wisdom

I went back to church today after about a month of wanting to wallow in my sadness.  I figured it was time to raise my head high and overcome the embarrassment I have been feeling after reaching out to my pastor for help and guidance. I put a lot of people through some crazy "stuff" and it has been difficult to just go back out into the world and have to confront the reality of what has happened in my life. But church was my first major hurdle and I did it. Kept my head up and really listened to the message.  I really think that every scripture read and sermon preached has been chosen for me.  I absorb it all and I relate to it completely.


During the season of Lent, our church has been focusing on the minor characters in the Bible.  I think this is perfect because most of us play minor roles in the playing out of the world, but when we are in touch with the Lord or whatever Energy or source we may be connected to, we are ultimately a part of everything. 


Today's message was about having courage and if you have passed by my blog in the past few days, you will have noticed that on Friday I read a quote and put it as my blog post. "To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." Bertrand Russell  It is our ability to be courageous that allows us to conquer our fears.


During the times of the Exodus, Pharaoh asked the two midwives of the Israelites to kill all male babies born.  The midwives, who honored the Lord, did not do it. They defied the ruler of Egypt and allowed all the boys to be live.  This was before Moses had ever received God's Commandments, but these women knew that killing those children would not be right in the eyes of the Lord.  Patrick is a military man and he relates most things to power.  In our country, we are very resistant to power, we rally, we assemble to have our voices heard.  These two midwives resisted in a different way, they told a little fib and said that the Israelite women were quick to birth and children were usually born before they even got there.  True, the Commandments also say not to lie, but this is what Patrick called situational ethics.  It is the courage to resist that which is contrary to the gospel.  What Pharaoh had asked of these women was an unethical request and the women were faithful in the Lord to do what was right. To allow all children, regardless of their sex, to be born.


The second story we read was from the times of King David.  Nathan, David's loyal servant confronts him and accuses David of forcing a poor man to sacrifice his only sheep so that visitors to the King could be fed.  (go here for the whole story, very easy version to read)  


I think this story can relate to everyone because we all at some point have to confront somebody who has done wrong. Nathan's confrontation was probably the hardest one to be carried out. Confront a King, the most powerful man in Israel, about something he did wrong? Oh la la as the French say! Thankfully most of us don't have to confront such a source of Power, but we do have confrontations in our daily lives.  When I think of power in my life, I think of those who wield control or those who like to think they have control. So many times, we can be intimidated by those who are forceful over us and we can talk ourselves out of being right and doing the right thing. We justify why somebody has done wrong. We lose our courage and just let it slide. We are all guilty of not standing up for what is right. We haven't always followed through with what we SHOULD do. And why? Because when we acknowledge that somebody has power or CONTROL over us, we back down. We fear what that power can mean, and what it can do. It can destroy our lives, leave us with nothing, leaving us to pick up the pieces and begin anew, a process which can be daunting, almost terrifying. 


Who knows what was going through Nathan's head when he realized he HAD to confront David. David could have had him killed if he wanted, but Nathan didn't back down from doing what he knew was right. 


And what happens when we talk ourselves out of doing the right thing? Chaos, drama. Boy do I know a thing or two about drama! I'm not even going to bring it up, but let us just say that I talked myself out of doing the right thing. I found myself in an "ethical situation," and instead of having courage to resist that which is contrary to the gospel, and talking myself out of doing what was right, I just went with what was going. It felt so good to be accepted for who I am, but in the end, I found myself in a mess of chaos and a feeling of hopelessness.  


Luckily though, I believe in Jesus and during the season of Lent, we remember the courage he had to face his temptations.  He persevered in the face of what would have seemed a lost cause.  Life is difficult sometimes, but knowing that Jesus accepts us for who we are without expectations, I know that I too can persevere and be courageous when dealing with my fears.  Not being accepted by my peers is a fear of mine, a long-standing one, but during this season of Lent I have been able to slowly let go.  It is a difficult endeavor, but one that I know I can do. God has not given up on me, so therefore I cannot give up on me either. Through Him and through his Son I will persevere and overcome my fears. I will be courageous, and through it I will gain wisdom and strength.  I am afraid sometimes to pick up the pieces, begin anew, but I know I will always have the Lord on my side.


"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." Bertrand Russell