In the past year, I've met some interesting people. Some came into my life all too briefly and others have remained. My close friendships have remained a constant and have become stronger. My blog header says:
"Sometimes in life you regret the things you've done. Always learn from you mistakes.
'Live like you were going to die tomorrow.
Learn like you were going to live forever.'"
I've learned a lot this past year and the majority of it has to do with the people in my life. I've learned from them to trust my gut instinct. I went to France almost a year ago and I knew instinctively when I received the letter that I had been accepted into the program I signed up for, that it wasn't what I needed to do. After reading "The Alchemist," I knew that my journey there would lead me back home, just like Santiago. My treasure awaited me here. I had been seeking it for years elsewhere and once I got to where I thought it was buried, I realized it was back where I started. Had I not met Victor in Krakow, who knows when I would have picked up Paolo Coehlo's short novel. Thanks to Victor and Paolo, my search for my treasure was over. I knew where it was, it was within my grasp, and it was and still is here in Kansas City. Coehlo's character waits patiently but never relents in his quest to retrieve his ultimate treasure; and I know that I must do the same. In the meantime, I am learning even more from the people I meet, and in the process more about myself.
All of you who read this are people that I know and I hope that you know how much I treasure you as my inspiration. Through you I have learned that my capacity for love is tremendous. However, the introduction of simple young child culminated my understanding of this. My instinct about France became stronger than ever, but I couldn't let one instant deter me from something that I was convinced I must do with my life. I've always known that I have the ability to love, but I didn't fully realize that I was capable of loving so unconditionally, that it could be so sudden and so consuming. That one moment has brought me to the realization that my love for my sisters, my parents, my grandparents, my cousins, all their kids was not just a simple, "I love because I'm supposed to" type of feeling, but a feeling that actually motivates me to demonstrate and act upon that love and treat them the way I feel about them.
I believe that love is the feeling that most enflames us to act.
When one first recognizes their extent of their feelings, one is able to distort the meaning of them and thrust them onto unsuspecting persons. It can be overwhelming to that person, it can be suffocating, and frightening. I did that and I'm not ashamed. I acted on impulse and will not apologize for what felt right at that moment. All these years of holding back from those I could have loved in this way was manifested into one manic episode. My actions weren't meant to harm, but to let another human know my ability to love another. Of course in my disorientation, I'm sure I came off as unbalanced. Technically I guess I was. The one who witnessed the fury of my emotions had never been able to discover the extent of this cognitive awareness in a calmer developmental process. So, I guess, the release of my unexplored passion had to happen in order for me to tame it and use it more wisely in the future...
If you've read my previous blogs, then you know that I have used it to uncover the meaning of these emotions. When I became comfortable with my awareness, I became silent. I have found peace within myself. I have accepted that I am a feeling human like the rest of you, and I have accepted my ability to love unreserved. Because of it, I now
live like I were going to die tomorrow, and I learn like I was going to live forever.
And I have everyone that has come into my life this year and all the years before to thank for it. I love you all! Even those of you who I have not met.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE!
YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION!
FLY WITH THE ANGELS, WE'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!
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