Joe Would Have Been 23 Today

When I started this blog almost a year ago, I dedicated it to learning something new every day and living for each day.  I feel I've remained true to Joe's wisdom.  Lately I've been thinking about the people in our lives and how much they affect us.  Had I not read Joe's MySpace page right after he died, then I would have never been compelled to "stick it out" with this thing.  Joe won't ever come back, but this blog will remain; hopefully as a constant reminder that everyone's life is significant.  Every day a human is a part of this world, that day is important.  We revolve around each other and push each other to an indefinite end.  Even our energy propels us forward. Whether it is the man down the street who asked for my number a few hours ago, or the woman screaming at her kids in her car, we leave an imprint on each other. 

In the past year, I've met some interesting people. Some came into my life all too briefly and others have remained.  My close friendships have remained a constant and have become stronger.  My blog header says: 

"Sometimes in life you regret the things you've done. Always learn from you mistakes. 

 'Live like you were going to die tomorrow. 

Learn like you were going to live forever.'"

I've learned a lot this past year and the majority of it has to do with the people in my life.  I've learned from them to trust my gut instinct.  I went to France almost a year ago and I knew instinctively when I received the letter that I had been accepted into the program I signed up for, that it wasn't what I needed to do.  After reading "The Alchemist," I knew that my journey there would lead me back home, just like Santiago.  My treasure awaited me here.  I had been seeking it for years elsewhere and once I got to where I thought it was buried, I realized it was back where I started.  Had I not met Victor in Krakow, who knows when I would have picked up Paolo Coehlo's short novel.  Thanks to Victor and Paolo, my search for my treasure was over.  I knew where it was, it was within my grasp, and it was and still is here in Kansas City.  Coehlo's character waits patiently but never relents in his quest to retrieve his ultimate treasure; and I know that I must do the same.  In the meantime, I am learning even more from the people I meet, and in the process more about myself.

All of you who read this are people that I know and I hope that you know how much I treasure you as my inspiration.  Through you I have learned that my capacity for love is tremendous.  However, the introduction of  simple young child culminated my understanding of this.  My instinct about France became stronger than ever, but I couldn't let one instant deter me from something that I was convinced I must do with my life.  I've always known that I have the ability to love, but I didn't fully realize that I was capable of loving so unconditionally, that it could be so sudden and so consuming.  That one moment has brought me to the realization that my love for my sisters, my parents, my grandparents, my cousins, all their kids was not just a simple, "I love because I'm supposed to" type of feeling, but a feeling that actually motivates me to demonstrate and act upon that love and treat them the way I feel about them.  

I believe that love is the feeling that most enflames us to act.  

When one first recognizes their extent of their feelings, one is able to distort the meaning of them and thrust them onto unsuspecting persons.  It can be overwhelming to that person, it can be suffocating, and frightening. I did that and I'm not ashamed.  I acted on  impulse and will not apologize for what felt right at that moment.  All these years of holding back from those I could have loved in this way was manifested into one manic episode.   My actions weren't meant to harm, but to let another human know my ability to love another.  Of course in my disorientation, I'm sure I came off as unbalanced.  Technically I guess I was.  The one who witnessed the fury of my emotions had never been able to discover the extent of this cognitive awareness in a calmer developmental process.  So, I guess, the release of my unexplored passion had to happen in order for me to tame it and use it more wisely in the future...  

If you've read my previous blogs, then you know that I have used it to uncover the meaning of these emotions. When I became comfortable with my awareness, I became silent.  I have found peace within myself.  I have accepted that I am a feeling human like the rest of you, and I have accepted my ability to love unreserved.  Because of it, I now 

 live like I were going to die tomorrow, and I learn like I was going to live forever.  

And I have everyone that has come into my life this year and all the years before to thank for it.  I love you all!  Even those of you who I have not met.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE! 

 YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION! 

FLY WITH THE ANGELS, WE'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!

American Flag for Sale! Made in China!

SAY WHAT?

The Fourth of July is fast approaching and I'm psyched to celebrate my Nation's birthday.  I thought I would do that by purchasing an American Flag.  I am very much trying to live up to my New Year's Resolution to buy Made in USA items as much as I can.  It is a daunting task checking labels, but it is worth it.  And often I will buy items simply because they have the USA proudly marked on it.  It's a good way to start a plastic cup collection! So you can imagine my dismay when I was unable to find an American Made cheap-o flag.  It just seems to me, that this icon of America should be American.  I began my search at my local grocery store.  They had plastic $1.50 flags, metal porch decor flag things, gel stick on flags, and God Bless America decorations...all made in China.  NOT buying any of them.  I went to Hobby Lobby, which admittedly I knew would be a joke because nothing there is made in the USA.  Seriously, that place is horrendous when it comes to American Made items.  One might as well learn Chinese if dared to shop there.  My new mission is to stop shopping there as well.  Unfortunately my NO Wal-Mart campaign had to end when my aunt came to town in April.  (Sorry Terri, but it was painful for me to be there)  And then again a week ago, when I was in desperate need for an inflatable bed. Wal-Mart was along the way to the campground and it was quick and easy.  Like I said, it's tough sometimes.  I will say this in Wal-Mart's favor, my recent purchase of American made cups came from that same store.

So, my quest for an American Made Flag took me to the internet where I could "Google:" American Flag Made in USA.  But I'm not going to buy one online. As far as I'm concerned, I should be able to walk into ANY store in MY country and buy one MADE by MY fellow Americans.  I know we buy imported goods because they are cheaper, but screw that! I will not buy into it.  We have created labor laws in this country to protect our citizens from greedy business owners.  What's unfortunate is that those rich owners proved their greediness even more by outsourcing OUR jobs to simply make another dollar.  It is true, the rich don't care about the average working man.  They found any way they could to work around having to pay high wages.  I, as an American, WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!!!!  It makes me laugh to think of the sardonic grins on the faces of those Chinese citizens who made those flags sitting on the shelves at MY American Owned grocery store.  I can just imagine them thinking, "those stupid Americans who took their protections and liberties for granted."  I have nothing against the Chinese, I have nothing against Communism.  If a government can make it work, then by all means, be Communist.  But I will not buy an American Flag that was not made by American hands.  What I find laughable about all this, is that we condemn the Chinese for being a Communist country, but we let them make our stuff.  Laughable and Frustrating as Hell.

When I celebrate my Country's Independence Day I plan on taking a different route this year.  I've spoken to my friend Mark and with his help, I will be making my own flag which I will proudly display and take with me everywhere.  I'm also going to make a shirt to go with it that says, "My Flag is Fully American, made by American Hands...Is Yours?"  

I'm proud to be an American... Are you?