Regrets

I often hear people say that they don't regret anything they've done.  I don't think people are being completely honest with themselves when they say this.  We've all done things we shouldn't have.  Maybe the proper wording should be, I regret those things, but my actions have brought me to where I am today.  

When I graduated from High School, I did not have a clue as to what life would be like.  I went to college because that was the natural progression of things.  I knew that I wanted to travel to Europe, and finally twelve years later I am going to live in France for the next nine months.  I do regret things that I've made in my past. I always put work above all things.  Work has held me back from the things that I want to do. Unfortunately now, I HAVE to work.  I'm 30 years old, I should have gone to France when I was 19 and my Dad was giving me money on a monthly basis. But I chose to work almost fulltime just so I could feel the wad of cash in my pocket. I became obsessed with my money and what it could buy.  

I graduated in 1996, got a degree in Communications and then went to work.  But I have never truly enjoyed my life.  I've had a house to sleep in, friends to hang out with...things I wouldn't give up.  But my life has been stagnant and mediocre.  I decided last September after traveling to Egypt, Israel and France that I would live my life well.  However, I'm to a point where I actually want the simple things in life...like a home of my home, a husband maybe, and a kid perhaps.  Now I'm going to France for 9 months and I want something completely different for my life.  Things are beginning to take shape in my life and clarity has never been something I can relate to until now.  I'm going to France because if I don't, then I will regret it.  I'm tired of living a life of regrets, so even if this means sacrificing a potential love and successful future (as far as doing what I want with my life) I have to do it. I don't ever ever ever want to find myself in the what-ifs.  So far life has turned out like that, and this time I won't settle for mediocrity.  

Joe went with the wind in search of what possibilities life could offer.  He may have never travelled the world, but he wasn't afraid to leave behind those that had been in his life.  I think he probably knew deep down that people and opportunities don't really go away. It's how we as individuals maintain and create those possibilities.  I want to go to France and I will go but I will always keep those that I love and the dreams for my future alive and burning in my mind.  People are always saying, hey, you may not ever come back. You may love it so much that you stay.  My life here has barely begun and I see now what I want and it is here. I know I can't predict how I'll feel about France, but I do know for now that I want to come home.  We can take up residence anywhere, but I know where home is.  For some reason, it's right here in Kansas City!