Resolutions and Goals

Christmas dinner with the family was the first we've had in a few years. However, the conversation became the same one from years past. True to form, my father asked, "What are your goals for this coming year?" Of course, being the oldest, the question was directed towards me. Usually the first answer is the best answer. "I want to be a photographer; do more weddings." The question then goes to my sisters. Alexandra, "I want a teaching job." Alicia, "Probably going to Ecuador to work for Papi, I just have to see what I need to do first." Adriana (eleven years old), "get a job?"

Her response astounded me. I bewilderedly asked her, "a job?"

"Well, everybody is talking about jobs," she half whispered.

The conversation ended there. The question never quite made it to my Mom. It never really has. My mother's goals had always been my father's. My mother has her own life now. It seems to me, her goals should be her own and she should be posed the question. I asked her this evening what her goal for the year was and she told me that she wanted a new job. When I asked her what she wanted other than a job or money, she replied, "to spend more time with my parents." A noble goal and one worth striving for.

I'm reading a book by Thich Nhat Hanh, Living Buddha, Living Christ and one of the chapters, "For a Future to be Possible," Hanh stresses the importance of re-rooting ourselves in our ancestral traditions. My parents divorced five years ago and I have repeatedly asked my mother to move back to Kansas City, nearer to her family. She always said she wouldn't because she loved Florida and that KC is too cold. My sisters Alexandra and Alicia live here in South Florida, but are young women cultivating their lives, and have little time for my mother. Our father lives in South America with our youngest sister. Luckily, he has a brother within walking distance from his home and five of his brothers and sisters live in the same city. He has a familial support system that will help build the foundation of Adriana's traditions. For this I am thankful.

Today I spent the afternoon at my Dad's apartment in Fort Lauderdale. I went for a long walk with Alexandra's roommate along the beach and had some of the best conversation I've ever had with another woman. Here was a person willing and capable of making a connection with another person. When we arrived back to the apartment, my Dad had come back with Adriana and we sat around the majority of the day as he worked. He has been working since I got her on Christmas Eve, without even stopping ON Christmas. I love my Father and I KNOW that he wants to provide for us, but when is work, enough?

As we were eating lunch yesterday (Saturday), I asked him, what is your goal for the New Year? He replied, "to open another store in Ecuador, I want to make 'La Bobina' a chain. And I would really like to have a FIFTH store by the end of the year, but at least a fourth." Again, the goal conversation started. My reply, "to be a photographer." I know this goal conversation is not really about simple accomplishments, it's the "what-am-I-going-to-get-out-of-this-goal" conversation. And the accomplishment should be, "money, success, recognition." Alexandra asked me, "but what is your goal? Ten weddings, twenty, thirty? It has to be a tangible goal." I simply said that I wasn't going to put a number on it because if I do, and then don't reach it, then I fail. "But that's why you set a goal," she says. "I guess I don't have a monetary goal."

I didn't make this decision because I don't have aspirations or because I'm complacent with my financial place, it's because I intend on enjoying my life. When I take photographs, I capture a moment. It's a medium I have discovered that helps me identify emotions in life. I really love photography, but I'm not sure I want it to be how I DEFINE my life. I want my life to be about the connection I have to the people I share my world with. I enjoyed every minute of walking with Danaysha today and it felt wonderful to open my life to somebody who has never known much about me and I very much enjoyed listening to her thought about her life. We come from two very different places on the planet, but as human beings, we still have a commonality, trying to understand the world we live in. We are trying to make sense of it and by creating a connection with another person, we are getting closer to it.

So my goal this year is to continue finding those connections that bind us all together whether I capture it through the lens of a camera, or through a simple conversation.

To Blog or Not to Blog

That is the definitive question.

I started writing this blog over a year ago and I have enjoyed immensely sharing my feelings with everyone I know and with those I don't. Now the question is, do I continue or do I bring it to an end. It's a hard question because it is dedicated to Joe because he said to learn like you were going to live forever. Obviously I haven't stopped learning, nor will I ever. Learning and gaining wisdom is ongoing. So, this blog is about making that decision. These are my thoughts, unorganized and random.

A few months ago I met my newest friend while out with another. I was in one of my rare moods and was just talking about myself and telling stories. I'm not a very outgoing person most of the time, but there was an energy that allowed me to just be myself. Of course, my new friend found me on Facebook and found the link to this blog. For the first time ever, I found somebody that had something to say about my blog. It is interesting when you find another soul who can relate to you. Somebody that won't tell you that you're longwinded. Rather this person was able to see what it was I was learning from my everyday experiences. The Conversation hasn't ended... and I love learning from him as well. This is why I haven't been blogging as much.

Tonight we talked about how we must live in a world with other people and how it's difficult to sometimes be patient with others who are not mindful of the present moment. I think most often about my immediate co-workers. I love them all, but I find it extremely hard to help them understand that we live in the now, we live with these other human beings that have needs and requests. I experience from my co-workers a lot of impatience when store personnel or our vendors and reps need things from us. We are there to help them. What I can never understand is how the others I work with can become irritated with these requests. Today I said it, "it's our job, it's their job, we have to work together." I've been having an issue lately at my place of employment with the lack of understanding teamwork. We live in the world with other people, we are going to work with others. In life and in work, shouldn't we have a common goal?

I believe in teamwork, at all levels. In a relationship, teamwork is key. This isn't just in man/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner/partner relationships, it's ALL of them. I have a relationship on every level at my place of employment. Recently, one of my former employees, reminded me that I am not a part of "that" department anymore. As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter if I am working in it on a daily basis. I CERTAINLY helped build it and while I work in that store, I will continue to do what I think is necessary to make it successful. I don't appreciate it when somebody tells me that it's not my concern anymore. Of course, it's my concern. I want to make sure my place of employment doesn't go out of business so I can still have a job that I very much enjoy. Everybody at my work has the right to make decisions about selling an item. We are all responsible for it, even at the most basic level.

My point? Working with others is essential for human survival. I mean, we're not going to figure out the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict without working together. There's a solution out there, it just takes some TEAMWORK!

But patience is what I'm learning from my new friend and how to be mindful of the present moment and to act, rather than react. In the long run, your present actions affect your future. I want everyone to be able to understand the importance and the significance of living in harmony with others. I become impatient when I cannot reach another person. I believe that everyone has the capability of being compassionate towards one another. Without other humans, we cannot exist.

Back to my question... do I continue or not? I believe so. It really helps me analyze what I've been thinking. I have found one person out there who wants to learn from his surroundings and his life. I'm sure there are many more out there and I want to be able to find them, even if they live in Siberia!

Hope you all enjoyed the confusingness of it today! Love to all! Angie